


Lifetimes of loss only the stars know

by Kandi_lilies



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Character Death, Hakyeon is a spirit of good fortune, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kinda, M/M, Red String of Fate, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 10:50:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20722994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kandi_lilies/pseuds/Kandi_lilies
Summary: At times Hakyeon curses his own nature, having learnt to dread how it allows him so much selfishness, but he does it again and again, always wishing for a human interface when time comes and the stars are calling him out to meet.He does it out of love-- he tricks himself into believing foolishly. It's a selfish love, a broken dream of his shattered heart to see his lover  again and hold him close because Hakyeon knows that in the end, he'll watch him wither in yet another life.Part of the Intoxicating kiss lottery





	Lifetimes of loss only the stars know

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DewingedAngel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DewingedAngel/gifts).

> PROMPT: I'm sorry kiss + Reincarnation AU + "I'm sorry for all the undeserving suffering I've thrown your way. I'm sorry I was so selfish. I'm sorry, but if there's one thing I know after watching you die for the 257th time, its that my love for you is as timeless as can be"
> 
> From: Mod M

The night is a moment of pure wonder, bleached dreams lost in a vast sky as black as the depths of any other unknown, a clamour of whispers still lingering on golden sand with each step Hakyeon takes to meet stars and memories sleeping into the deep sea, sea which eats the horizon till all that is left are dark blues swirling into the cold light of the moon, a harsh embrace painting the frigid shine of the water.

It’s a forever changing painting well acquainted with time itself and its secrets, so alive albeit its own colourless desertness. It drowns steps before they are even taken on the mass of crushed seashells now of a golden colour, fine to the touch yet once again holding life of their own.The beach is familiar in such sense for the lone figure observing from afar, body illuminated by the lamppost behind him, yellowish light warming up his tired eyes.

An onlooker who listens idly to the rush of waves which call him out ask of him to come closer, for he had waited long enough for the sole tick of midnight to shatter in his bones and allow his heart to beat. The feeling of humanity, of blood pumping loudly in his ears, it’s all but an interface given to the lone spirit coming into the form of a human body, an oh so fragile, selfish choice he never fails to ask for when lives are meant to collide.

It never takes long, by now he is sure that life simply loves to play tricks on him, trying to scare him, rip his inside of any hope or love just to leave him numb and for death to walk once again proudly next to him. Maybe it should be called a curse, the warmth of a shy breeze barely caressing his face as he lets his legs go lazily on the same path, always the same place, the same smile, the same night. 

And Hakyeon is tired, tired of what his life has become after so many years, so many tries and so many faces he had long forgotten once they died. He's meant to bring happiness, yet it never lasted for anyone. Human nature was confusing, beautiful in its own creation, an idolisation of love and perfection proudly showcased in the souls of this world, all tied to a perfect match.

The night has always been one for many to venture out, a consoling moment with no worry for another day, always on the brim of total silence where the waves are the only ones singing in harmony. A slight shuffle is what catches his senses off guard, forcing him to cock his head back from having been lost somewhere in the horizon for only a matter of seconds in order to meet the sole figure mirroring his tired stature, the only difference lying in the genuine smile the other holds.

He is only able to take note of the casual attire, dark eyes and a quiet “hi” before the burning spreads through his whole being like the black plague, ripping the flesh on his hand with barbaric forced till blood draws out of his fingers, each drop stitching itself in the form of a red thread, something meant to raise joy now filling his mouth with dread.

The smile he’s given is too calm, hand already inviting him in, such strange aura involuntary making his blood run cold, tangling his breath in itself till it hurts like vines constantly growing over his vocal cords. As if the roles were reversed, Hakyeon struggles to let air in, each intake shakier and more unstable than the one before, the dagger deeply rooted inside his chest twisting at the sign he is faced with, one he prayed to never see, for his waiting was now wasted and any hope ripped from his already dying heart. 

If only the eyes of the stranger showcased more behind cool browns other than acceptance of fate, Hakyeon would have forced himself to believe, hope for it to be his lucky life yet such knowing gaze taunts him till all he wants is to run, wishing nothing more than finding a way to go back and hide from that all bittersweet smile and eyes full of love.

“You are late today” the red thread gives just the right amount of light when next to the moon’s strong presence, making the speaker a phantasm, a bad dream painted in hues of silver and young crimson which tugs at Hakyeon’s chest, holding a sword above his head.

Hakyeon can’t help but wonder if it’s the other way around.

“This time you remember, I suppose.” to the untrained eye, it is all but a first meeting of two matching souls who found each other after years of searching, but the dry words dragging themselves out in a dreary statement are only there to ensure the reality they are caught in, foreign and incomprehensible as if part of a dream-like state which forces Hakyeon’s voice to sound like the one of a stranger with its own white fear of breaking the calm for time to take its course again and flow through his fingers like sand. He’s not looking for an answer, that much he's sure of, but knowledge still burns his flesh around each wonky thread manifesting at his words as a last reminder which dies off when Hongbin takes Hakyeon’s hand in his, the somewhat brave mask falling off the younger’s face.

He wants to run, for the first time he wishes nothing more than run from that smile, that all knowing smile and those eyes full of love. If only they showcased more behind those cool browns other than mere acceptance of fate, Hakyeon would have tried once again with the heart open and hope mending on old wounds. 

After all, this life is too different.

And Hongbin’s eyes are there to remind him of it, bright and calm when catching Hakyeon under his gaze to tell all that is known, once again making the older’s lungs burn maybe even more than the red thread still manifesting in all its glory around their hands in a tangled mess to show how many times it was broken, only to be threatened once more by his own selfish choice.

“Tell me, have I changed from what you remember?” he’s unsure for how long the only company they have are the silent waves breaking near their feet, or when Hongbin’s velvety voice leaves curious words to question almost boldly. Hakyeon’s eyes fall to their hands, the newest thread tangled in between fingers, locking them together in a promise they made time and time again with false hope.

And it burns, it burns like the youngest of flames, of guilt and hate even when all Hakyeon knows is love.

This was more familiar, the quiet encounter feels like an old friend when all Hongbin does is smooth his fingers over the old threads with an almost childlike wonder. Why should Hakyeon speak when he knows well enough how the night will end? Why should he shake away from the warmth of his soulmates by forcing him to talk, to beg him for any kind of reassurance that his fears aren't a nightmare beneath their feet, when the truth is already hanging low on his shoulders?

“You never changed Bin-ah, you are the same fragile soul you were when we met.” 

In a corner of his heart, between sorrowful voices, a collection of memories sits idly as a showcase for each life and any smile to have ever illuminated Hongbin’s features, too fragile to the touch but enough of a reason for his words to ring of truth.

Hongbin only laughs sweetly, hand already tugging the elder’s, encouraging him to move from the spot he’s been rooted to since their eyes met. Albeit how the sweetness of such small gesture makes Hakyeon’s eyes light up, the sudden lump in his throat doesn’t go unnoticed at the unfamiliar reaction of his soulmate; when he should’ve pulled a face and call him out for the overly-romantic answer he gave, maybe even slap his arm lightly before letting him cling to his arm, all Hongbin did was laugh. A laugh so pure and calm it covered Hakyeon’s troubled mind like a lullaby, but so uncharacteristic and inducing the dreaded conclusion. 

Hakyeon refuses such thought, hope still blooming as he lets Hongbin guide him along the beach in total silence, a smile adorning his youthful features and knowing eyes. It’s selfish, yet all comes from love.

They take steps meant for them, thread still tangled around their fingers, the red glimmer giving up light and Hakyeon wonders if that’s the reason for the strong grip his soulmate has in worry of losing the only source of light they have.There’s no need to ask where Hongbin is taking him, not when he is already in hold of all and the facade he put up time and time again cracked under too much pressure like a mask made of clay.The sand still prays for good luck and hopeful dreams when they stop abruptly, too sudden for their already fast paced walk and it makes Hakyeon lose his balance and bump into Hongbin lightly.

Maybe he was impatient, for they are still on the beach with the waves and stars watching them when the final destination was meant to be the park, but Hakyeon shouldn’t be as surprised or confused as his eyes give him away to be, nothing is as it should, so why would he expect of Hongbin to lead him to a familiar place?

The younger doesn’t soften his grip on the other’s hand when he turns to face him, brows close together and lower lip in between his teeth in a mute sign of clear frustration which only confuses Hakyeon further. He knows that the man holding him by hand is who he loved time and time again, in each life and for who he gave up his only wish in order to acquire a human body, for them to be tied by fate and the one he still loves even now, when he remembers the true nature of their bond. But his reactions scare him, they make him restless and he fails to realise how much his hands are shaking when Hongbin’s lips break apart and he doesn’t know what he may be told.

“Just ask me. There’s no reason to drag this more than it was already.” a certain desperation echoes from the sudden requirement Hongbin asks for in such bold manner, air punched out of Hakyeon’s body as he tears his hand away in a harsh motion, mind screaming at him to back up, run away from the night-terror he woke up in, each step creating a bigger barrier between the two as it disrupted the somewhat serene haze Hakyeon fell in the few moments of silence.

Somehow, he finds himself scoffing.

“If you already know, why should I even do so?”for the first time since midnight came, Hakyeon asks a genuine question. Anger bubbles rapidly, blurring his vision as he continues to put distance between himself and his lover “I know the answer already don’t I? For the sea and moon to meet, am I not right?”

Their meeting isn’t right in any shape or form, but it’s enough to craze the older for a laugh shakes his whole body in the harshest form only frustration knows how to give. It never was right, never will be, every life was just a fruitless dream he begged to become reality only for his own happiness. Never thinking through it, always throwing himself at the smallest glimpse of hope he can see in such selfish manner. Maybe he is only mad at himself and his futile wishes, after all he’s the one to try and run when his soulmate stays quiet.

The red thread gives up till all it’s left is dried drops of blood which mark the paled sand now that they are no longer holding onto each other,blinding contrast when deep red rests on the pale gold of the sand. Not finding enough power to hold the madness of emotion bleeding from Hakyeon’s dark irises, Hongbin casts his gaze to the darkness of the horizon. 

“What’s your wish?” played by his own magic, Hakyeon clings to Hongbin’s forearm when all he meets is silence. “Be it wealth, be it love, ask me and I shall give.” Bearers of fortune, now meant to give pain and Hakyeon must be mad to give in so easily to what Hongbin desires, but he loves, and love has always blinded him to the point of selfish kisses and careless actions.

He searches for a response behind the quietness of his supposed lover, desperation making itself present through his tightening grip till Hongbin finally smiles, hands falling on the older’s hips to bring him closer, a murmur oh so softly caressing Hakyeon’s skin. 

“For you to kiss me.”

The whisper which follows falls on deaf ears when all Hakyeon can do is stare at the man with a silent yet accepting gaze. A wish is a wish and as much as he wants to argue, to call him mad for such a deed would end it all, words refuse to leave his already burnt to ashes heart. Love is what he knows, happiness is what he gives for that is what his magic means, but now he can only encase Hongbin in his arms, keep him close to his own frame as the younger cups his face with the gentlest of touches, silent waves washing over the anger coursing through Hakyeon’s veins when his name brushes over his skin.

Sudden warmth, too familiar, too sweet, it filters the air in Hakyeon’s lungs when the younger’s lips find his, molded only for him to feel, to taste. It’s intoxicating, the way Hongbin lets out a sigh of content, Hakyeon merely shuddering as his lover lets out a “thank you.” 

Lips start to taste of salt, softer by the second as they leave dread to drop in his stomach at the sudden feeling of coldness taking over, the sweet smile going numb once they break apart. Hongbin’s breath is shaking, unstable when his lungs start to give up under the soft whispers his soulmate leaves imprinted on his cheeks, mumbled apologies peppered on lips as Hakyeon continues to hold onto him only so he’d feel him close, share his warmth once they break apart.

Eyes white, angry and mad bore into the ones of the younger. Exhaustion settles in Hongbin’s body, a feeble smile trying to hide the irreversible weakness of his already delicate soul. Hakyeon doesn’t remember when he last saw Hongbin holding such content tone, barely even catching the “it’s okay” he gives him before kissing him again sweetly. But he doesn’t care, not when the piled emotions dissolve just as fast as they came, not when the coldness he feels is taking over his lover.

Only the stars know the truth, their ever present selves watching over the delicate exchange of love before the slightest of tugs pinches Hakyeon’s heart, whispers of fear and madness stuck on his lips when Hongbin’s body falls limp in his arms taking both of them down.

"I'm sorry for all the undeserving suffering I've thrown your way.” Choking on his own words, Hakyeon cradles the younger close, trying to numb the coldness of his body, to share his own warmth, for his mind is clouded from the pain flowing into his veins as it destroys the human interface he oh so selfishly begged for. " I'm sorry I was so selfish. I'm sorry, but if there's one thing I know after watching you die for the 257th time, its that my love for you is as timeless as can be." He allows himself to cry, lips holding one last “I love you” when Hongbin’s heart beats for one last time.

The thread is once again cut, for the lone spirit has lost his lover in yet another life.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello dear prompter~
> 
> I had my eyes on your prompt since the very start. but it ended up taking way longer to get it done than I initially thought it would ^^;;  
And I'm unsure if the way I interpreted the prompt is close to what you envisioned for it, but I still hope that it'll be on your liking.
> 
> Thank you so much for such inspiring prompt 💕


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